


i'm here, i'm home

by AMillionYearsAgo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, F/M, Fights, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, School Reunion, Slight Canon Divergence, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 18:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30008940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMillionYearsAgo/pseuds/AMillionYearsAgo
Summary: be it five years from now or five hundred, somehow, they will always find their way home to each other. hearts never lie, even when heads vehemently do.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi & Yachi Hitoka, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	i'm here, i'm home

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this animatic](https://youtu.be/5YIoXvYJe7U) by maxx on youtube. chapter titles taken from [when we were young](https://open.spotify.com/track/7GgWAITsYJaRM3r50rfh5w?si=7QLl9e47RNCTccZShdW8FA) by adele, though [the version i prefer](https://open.spotify.com/track/3QZojVhQVfK8Bha6LEIOQt?si=kEbEfxKtRyaYIG1KfhuEXQ) and associate with this fic is by shaun reynolds and rolluphills.
> 
> thank you to my dear friend SEN for beta’ing this. u da real 1
> 
> here is the [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2N0V554yGHPczbnjdqR3Yk?si=fdtzcDS_QKKQk4GSTGhncA).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mental illness, specifically depression
> 
> because of certain, central aspects of this fic, the characters are probably ooc. hinata, in particular, is very different to how he normally is, both in canon and fanon. i must also warn you that he is not in a very good headspace throughout this fic. i wanted to explore other sides of him, beyond the happy-go-lucky that we normally see. additionally, i really wanted to write a character that has the same experiences i did.
> 
> oftentimes, depression is depicted as crying into the chest of a cute boy and magically becoming okay right after that, which is incredibly damaging when it comes to helping people who actually have depression. mental illness is messy and terrible, and the road to recovery curves and loops back much more often than many are comfortable dealing and helping with. so yes, in a way, this fic is a catharsis. thankfully, i’ve healed almost fully from depression, though even now, five years later, i still have days where i can feel myself slipping. i wanted to share my experience, something that i’m sure is similar to what many, many others have gone through.
> 
> please, please, please don’t read this fic if you think that it may be triggering to you. if you do feel comfortable reading, i hope you enjoy. love, AMillionYearsAgo.

Strips of sunlight, soft around the edges, lay across Hinata’s face. They settled into his skin, slowly warming him as he tried to rouse himself. 

He was still trying to get used to being back in Japan. Yes, the time he’d spent abroad had helped him with his independence like nothing else could have, but somehow, adulting here was wildly different than in Brazil. He didn’t like spending much more time adjusting to it than he needed to. There was just a lot going on in his head, okay? Lots of volleyball to play. Lots of time zone to get used to.

Lots of messages to respond to. 

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he grabbed his phone and waited for the screen to focus before remembering that oh, right, he needs glasses now. He fumbled a little while putting them on, sighing about the new inconvenience, but that’s just the way it was. The text on the screen was legible now; he squinted at it, his just-woke-up headache not quite gone yet. 

_Suga-senpai_ : r u down? 😆

_4 other messages…_

_Down for what?_ Hinata wondered, but his sleep-fuddled mind and quietly rumbling stomach poked at his conscience. Breakfast, first. He’d see what Suga wanted later. 

Eggs over rice, the radio. Brush his teeth, run through the neighbourhood. Volleyball practise, dinner. He had a routine, though he didn’t find it necessary to stick to it like glue. It was more of a guideline, one he’d slowly become dependent on over the past few months. It gave him stability. It gave him comfort. 

It gave him a distraction. 

See, there were a lot of things Hinata had started to avoid. Text messages from high school teammates weren’t the only things he shoved underneath a promise of ‘soon’; there was the laundry, the promotional deals, the meeting up with old friends. 

Hinata knew he’d changed over the past few years. It’s not like that was a bad thing. That’s why he’d skipped over the ocean, over the world, when he was just nineteen: to change. To become better. To one day, once more, stand on the same stage as-

The Hinata in the mirror stared back at him. _Don’t finish that sentence,_ his eyes whispered. _Don’t._

Were his contacts in properly? They were, right? They didn’t feel weird, but he worried nonetheless. Could running dislodge them? Could aggressive exercise do it? Maybe this was why Tsukishima chose to wear sports glasses instead, to avoid this constant barrage of worry about his eyes. Or did Tsukishima ever worry about anything at all?

He slowed to jog around the corner, flicking his head back. A small, stubborn orange lock refused to shift from his forehead. Irritated, he swept his hand across his face, hoping to play it off as wiping away sweat. That had a sexier vibe to it, more mysterious, in a way.

This street looked familiar. He slowed some more, thinking until he realized where he was and stopped altogether. He stood there, on the side of the road, panting. A pair of young women gave the stricken-looking man an odd look as they passed by.

 _Turn around_ , the Hinata in his head, the one from the mirror, whispered. _Go back. You shouldn’t be here._

Maybe that was true; he _did_ feel odd standing here. This street had a different vibe to it, not an overtly negative one, but something that pressed into his ribs, made him squirm in discomfort. Made him peer down the row of quiet little houses until he found what he was looking for, a nondescript two-story building just like all the others. Made him gulp.

Made him turn on his heel and sprint away, away from this street and away from any dark eyes that may have been watching.

God, he really, really hoped there had been no dark eyes watching. He probably looked like a mess.

Realistically, yes, he knew that he didn’t have anything to worry about. There was no one in his hometown at the moment to avoid, so he could breathe easy until he packed up and shifted over to Sendai. That was set to happen in about a month or so.

Yes, he was worried about that. Why wouldn’t he be?

Everyone that mattered was now either in Sendai or Tokyo, and Hinata knew full well that his little game of ‘maybe if I ignore everyone hard enough, they’ll go away’ wouldn’t hold out for very long once he was swimming in their midst. _It’s been fun while it lasted,_ he thought ruefully, turning his key and pushing his door open.

The air inside his apartment still somehow managed to smell stale and empty, despite the fact that he’d been living here for months now. Somehow, it was missing that sweet sense of home.

 _Has it really, though?_ that pesky mirror Hinata replied. He sighed and kicked off his shoes gracelessly. “I’m home,” he whispered.

Was he really, though?

He loathed to admit it, but he saw piercing blue eyes everywhere he looked.

(Don’t tell anyone he said that.)

The stars crawled across the nighttime, twinkling and giggling amongst themselves. Hinata found himself splayed upon his not-nearly-as-soft-as-it-should-be couch, gazing listlessly at his ceiling, out the window, at his Instagram feed. Same old, same old.

Another swipe down, and his heart leapt up into his throat.

He exited Instagram faster than he’d moved any part of his mind or body for the past three hours. As he waited for his breath to slow back down, for the blankness of the space around him to blot over the words _Power Curry_ now fresh on his mind via phone screen, his eyes caught on the little red 5 hovering by the messages app.

“Ah right, Suga-senpai,” he muttered, remembering his confusion from that morning and his subsequent promise to attend to it later (promise #542 of this sort, if he hadn’t flubbed his counting). He tapped it, already rehearsing what he hoped was a polite rejection to an izakaya meet-up.

_Suga-senpai:_ hinata!!

 _Suga-senpai:_ me, daichi, and sum others r planning a big karasuno reunion now that ur back from brazil

 _Suga-senpai:_ all in ur honour !!!

 _Suga-senpai:_ we’re gonna convince everyone to b there, itll prob be at mine and dai’s place on the 25th

 _Suga-senpai:_ r u down? 😆

“Oh, fuck,” Hinata whispered. He let his phone crash into his nose.

 _There goes your plan,_ the mirror Hinata said. He was probably raising an unimpressed eyebrow, though Hinata didn’t care enough to check. _Now text him back and say yes, and sound happy about it._

“Oh, fuck,” Hinata whispered again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ @amillion.yearsago on instagram ]
> 
> hey, would ya look at that! a long, involved multichapter fic!! i've been working on this for the past few months and it is my baby. i must protect baby from horrors of the public eye. but also, baby must fly out into the world and experience it for themself.
> 
> most of the story is already written, so updates will be fairly regular :)
> 
> i hope you enjoy this fic!! please consider watching the animatic that this was inspired by, it gave me Lots Of Emotions. the playlist that i made also fits the story quite well, heh


End file.
